August 21, 1992

GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE

Page 19

Alive & Well

by Kyle Rose

Last month I talked about how HIV/ AIDS is much more a dis-ease than a disease. I also shared how I have come to believe that healing has so much more to do with it than the concept of ridding my body of this virus.

I am convinced that if I spend all my time and energy "healing" my body of the physical presence of this virus, I will have accomplished nothing. The truth is that that would be "curing," but not healing at all.

I would have accomplished nothing and not been healed because all of the dis-ease, all of the destructive, and usually subconsciously-driven, behaviors, shame, guilt and denial will still be rampantly thriving in my life and therefore affecting my body. I'll have a temporary physical reprieve at best before I'm back where I started.

Now this does not mean that I ignore my physical body. Those of you who know me, know well that I work hard to take care of myself: Eat and sleep right, take vitamins, visit the doctor regularly, lots of exercise, fresh air and no alcohol or drugs.

But the real work for me is in life healing. In becoming and being my true self and living true to myself to the best of my ability. The work is in cleaning the many years (well, not that many!) of garbage I have taken on in my life.

My dis-ease is the distance between myself as I am today and my true self and the garbage I have allowed to fill that distance.

It's not about starting over. If you just toss out all the crap, before you know it there will simply be more collected in its place and the distance between selfand true self, the dis-ease will not heal.

So we clear it away slowly, going through it piece by piece, learning what it's about, why it's there, why we've collected it, why we don't need it after all, and then we discard it knowing that we don't need to collect any more in its place ever again. And healing begins.

It's a long process. It's hard, slow and often painful. But through it, each day becomes new, each relationship more special, each endeavor more meaningful.

And then there's joy. The freedom of pure and inner joy is more precious than

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anything we've ever been taught or learned to know. Because this joy comes from feeling whole (which is where the words holy and healing come from in the first place) from within. Not incomplete or without. Not needing people, places or things to fix us or fill us or make us feel better. Wanting and enjoying them--yes. But needing them--no!

Because I am my true self, there is no distance, there is no dis-ease. I have discarded the shame, guilt and negative garbage and I am experiencing healing.

This is healing. This is also empowerment. And this is what I believe in.

We're all different and there are an endless number of different healing therapies out there. But we and they have alot in common too. Most important of all, once we choose to start healing, we're all coming from the same place and we're working towards the same goal. And we can work from the support of our sameness to allow our individuality to express itself and our true selves to flourish.

Firewalks, dolphin swimming, psychic phenomenon healing and past life regression or psychotherapy, codependency and twelve-step work--it doesn't matter. They're all different ways of exploring the distance between you and your true self and offering insight and assistance in clearing out the garbage and coming together without it.

Over the next several months, I'm going to share with you my layperson's version of healing in three consecutive articles based on my personal experiences with many of the above healing therapies and without delving into issues of spirituality and words like love that scare people off.

It's simple and it's basic. There are many places to go from here and I'll be happy to share them with you. My advice--take it all in, be as open as possible, look to see as honestly as possible, be gentle, and allow yourself the freedom to change.

1. Whose reality am I really living? Ask the question and explore the answers-you'll probably be surprised.

2. Breaking the silence: What is the worst that could happen if, God forbid, I was totally honest? Probably not a lot.

3. Getting involved: Living your life the way you'd like it to be. Yes, you can!

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